Underneath the surface

Many of us will experience times in our lives where we feel we have lost our way. On the surface we may appear to be content and “sorted”. But if someone were to look just underneath the surface, they would soon discover feelings of restlessness, confusion, discontent and incongruence. Mixed with a dose of guilt. For being selfish and ungrateful. “Who am I to ask for more?” “Why can’t I just be happy with what I got, everybody else seem content?”

It is a tough place to be and it is so frustratingly difficult to know, what to do to move beyond it. Personally I experienced this when I made the transition from full time work to full time mum. Feeling lost. As much as I adored my two soft, infinitely kissable babies, had a very agreeable red tiled roof over my head, good food on the table, savings in the bank and despite the fact that it was 100% my decision to resign, I found myself feeling lost. Hindsight has since made it clear that I felt lost prior to resigning, but the business of work covered that up nicely. Staying at home though, did not manage to distract me enough and made me truly feel it.

keys

It stayed like that for a couple of years. I, however, just kept kissing those babies, squashed down the feelings of incongruence and unsettledness and put a smile on my face in public. At home I did not smile as much. Then one day I came across the life balance wheel (more here) and that literally became the tool that help me turn things around.

First it made me understand that I was actually very content with a number of aspects in my life. It was such a relief. It may sound obvious, but in my head I had pretty much managed to muddle everything up by then. Then it helped med clarify gaps. Where specifically and how much exactly was I discontent. Only then was I able to start doing something about closing those gaps. With baby steps at first, but then picking up more and more momentum. More about those steps to come another day.

And although it took a good chunk of time and I chose to enlist the help of a life-coach, defining those gaps was the key. It got me back on track. That, and listening to and trusting those inner voices that say it is perfectly ok to wish for more.

To acknowledge what is underneath the surface and find our own way.

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One thought on “Underneath the surface

  1. Hi Bonnie, thank you for sharing your story. I too have felt this, and looking back it was also something that started before I had my child. Though there are times that I don’t feel it (especially in the earlier years), ultimately I am glad that I took the time to be a SAHM. It’s only now that I’m starting to have the time I need and motivation to move forward and word towards balancing my “wheelbarrow”. xD

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