Before they go to sleep

It may be feeling there is not enough time to play combined with a lingering sadness from falling out with a friend. Perhaps the formation of the letter T is deemed annoyingly tricky or drawings failing to meet expectations. Perhaps it is frustration over too many and too sharp words from a parent about the importance of something as boring as  brushing hair or teeth or simply having to adjust to a new teacher. Or just a pure need for more air warmed by the sun, bare feet, a break.

Over the past weeks, we noticed that something was slightly different with both of our children. There seemed to be a growing presence of unexpected warm tears and at the end of the day, when taking stock of their stories, there was definitely more mentioning of “bad” things than good.

Amplifying the amount of proper attentive listening we offer as parents and providing an assortment of possible options as well as explicit advice on how to navigate their world, I am hopeful, will make a difference to how they perceive their days. However I believe that perhaps the most impactful thing we can do is this; every night before they drift off to sleep we not only encourage but “force” them to come up with at least 5 good things that has happened that day. 5 little or 5 big things. It doesn’t really matter as long as the experience is labelled “good”.


It unmistakeably sends them off to sleep in a better state. But not only that. Right now their brains seem to be scanning too much for the “bad”. This little “5 good things a day” exercise will over time become a habit – a habit where noticing and collecting more and more of the “good” runs automatically. And if ever there was a habit I would love my kids to have and one I would willingly give my right arm for, it is that one. Scanning for the good. Now an essential part of saying “Good night” in this house.


6 thoughts on “Before they go to sleep

  1. Love this Bonnie, thank you for sharing. I’m so desperate to get the boys into bed some days that we don’t always have the nicest end to the day. This is such a lovely way to say goodnight x

    • Thank you for your feedback, Viki. It means a lot. I can relate to what you are saying about ending the day – especially when mine where younger and some days full on and all I wanted was a tiny bit of stillness and two free hands. Introducing this little ritual with the kids reminds me to also review my day and scan for the good. Even on the full on days. All the best, Bonniex

  2. Funny, we do that already but we only use to put 3 best of the day, i’ll be happy pushing up to 5 as long as kiki does not come up with 5 different types of chocolate !!!! clever cookie

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